Week Three

Today marks three weeks since Poppa died. Suprisingly, I made it till about 8:30 am before I realized that. My mother has had a pretty rough week. She has been alone for the first time and the reality of her new life has begun to set in. I can't imagine trying to start a new life at 80. I have spent a lot of time with her this week. Just trying to talk with her and make sure she is ok. I find myself trying to entertain her with stories about the 3W's. Then, I worry that I am talking to much and should probably listen to her more. Aren't relationships complicated? And when you throw a tragedy into the mix, O LORD, HELP US ALL! I was telling Mouse the other night that I feel like I owe an apology to all my friends who have lost loved ones. I don't think I was sympathetic enough or understood enough but what I am learning is that no one knows what it is like to lose a parent until it happens to you. I have compared it to having a baby. Except the exact opposite feeling. You know how you read all those books, spent countless hours picking out the right name, and talking about what you were going to do with them for the rest of their life and you think in your head that you know how much your gonna love them. And then they get here and the love you feel is indescribable. You didn't understand that your heart could feel that much joy. Nothing you could even explain to someone, they have to experience it. That's how I feel about this. You think in your head how sad it will be and you know how much you will miss them but all of that is in your head. It's only after it happens that you feel it in your heart.

GiGi